Truth
I keep thinking of that kid that killed himself on his webcam while people watched him. And I’m reading this book called The Pact by Jodi Picoult about a girl who wanted to kill herself and she had her boyfriend do it for her. I could’ve done it. But I would’ve taken someone….or more than one person with me on that road. I haven’t driven there since. When I do, will I always remember? When I got out of the hospital I started going into mania. I could feel it inside of me waiting to pounce out. It’s like restless leg syndrome but in your whole entire body. And nothing brings relief from that. Now I feel the depression opening up again waiting to drag me down. I have a friend who understands me. Even the dark side of me. We talk about our being together and him cutting on my body with a sharp razor blade…him tasting and sharing that which pours out. And I think of that absolute release. The release of cutting…that pain that makes you alive…and the sexual release…completely giving yourself over to another human being. It’d be beautiful. Not many would understand that. Or how I sense things. The darkness…the evil that’s inside of it. There’s demons and evil and they want me and sometimes they win for awhile. And sometimes I want them to win. I want them to consume me whole because sometimes it seems that’s easier and more peaceful than fighting it off and showing the fucking neverending fake happy face.
..taken from “The End of Heartache” by Killswitch Engage..
In sorrow, I speak you name
And my voice mirrors, mirrors my torment
(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace,
(I’ll be waiting) For the end of my,
Broken heart.
(Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I’ll be waiting,
(I’ll be waiting) For the end of my,
Broken heart.
Am I breathing?
My strength fails me
Your picture, a bitter memory
For comfort, for solace
(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace,
(I’ll be waiting) For the end of my,
Broken heart
