Pride
I’m really worried about tomorrow. I have to have more spinal injections. This time they’re going to be in the facet joints. I don’t know anything about it and I’m too scared to look it up because I’m afraid the pain’s going to be horrendous. I know I’m being a baby, but I can’t help it. I’ve been through so much with this back of mine. My new boyfriend (!!!!) Keith is going to go with me…but I think it’s more just to spend the day with me than it is his realizing how terrified I am. That’s my fault though. I’m a pretty good actress and I’d rather laugh my way through things than ask for a hand to hold. Aren’t we silly? What’s pride when you really need comfort?
I can’t sleep and he’s lying here snoring away. =) I’ve never seen anyone fall asleep as fast as he does. Is that an insult to me?? I’m afraid that he doesn’t find me sexy (not that there’s blame there). He won’t even really touch me that much…including make love. Today he said he isn’t sexy so maybe it’s about him and not me. I need to find a way to bring it up because it’s going to bother me otherwise. I guess that’s another pride issue. I’d rather “keep” it than ask him if he thinks I’m sexy lol. God. What a mess I am.
